This seems to be the go-to phrase of everyone I have talked to. It’s now been 10 days since Dan passed away, and the answer is, “Not well at all.” I’m not sure that the answer people expect or want to hear though. At any given moment, I’m numb, I want to break down sobbing, I’m looking ahead optimistically to the future, I’m worrying about finances, I’m wracked with guilt over everything I could have done to prevent this (even though there really is nothing that could have been done). And give me sixty seconds and I may switch to any combination of these. Safe to say I’m a fucking mess, really.

I’m incredibly fortunate that my employer s giving me a wide berth and has very low expectations of my output right now. My doctor strongly suggested I stick to half-days this week and I plan to do that where I can. Heck, most of my co-workers are wondering why the hell I’m in here at all. At this point all I can do is put my head down and push on through.

Also posted on Tumblr at: http://ift.tt/2oCGL45